Asking Jeeves...

So, I've been gone a while, and in my leaving and now being back, I have decided to finally do something worth while on my little website here. I am going to interview the search engine, "Ask Jeeves". It should be interesting. (By the way, these are all actual responses from the Ask Jeeves site, the best ones out of the first twenty that show up for every question.)

Barry: So how's it going, Jeeves?
Jeeves: Ok I get it so how do I get started.

Barry: Um, we already have. Obviously, you don't get it. How are the wife and kids?
Jeeves: Small dead animals.

Barry: That sounds rough. I'm almost afraid to ask how work is going, but I will anyway. How's work going?
Jeeves: Cold season.

Barry: Say no more. So, what's it like answering questions for a living? Do you feel like a kind of, modern Buddah?
Jeeves: I'm like, "So what I'm drunk."

Barry: Now we're talking! I was wondering how you put up with such stupid questions 24/7. Getting down to business, what is your stance on global warming?
Jeeves: Great, now we're a "threat" again.

Barry: Are you saying that you have some kind of relations with the greenhouse effect, and the dismantling of the O-zone layer?
*Jeeves: (No response)

Barry: Alright, I guess we'll just move on here. How do you feel about Mel Gibson since his last escapade?
Jeeves: The paddy wagon.

Barry: Actually, I think he just rode in the back of a squad car. I'm not asking about the incident, Jeeves, I want to know what you think of him now that he's clearly a mere mortal again!
Jeeves: Sitting pretty.

Barry: You're probably right, he'll buck his way out of this dark spotlight in no time. What would you say is your favorite movie right now?
Jeeves: We're playing right into his hands. Does anybody get that?

Barry: I assure you, nobody is trying to entrap you in anyway. How about music?
Jeeves: A Aaron ab aback abaft abano abased abash abate abated abb abbate...

Barry: I'm gonna have to ask you to put the dictionary away for the remainder of this interview. Now, I'll try again really simply. What is your favorite band?
Jeeves: The gulf between us.

Barry: Strange, I've never heard of that group. Are they emo, or indie? It sounds like they would be one of the two.
Jeeves: Music reviews for you primitive screwheads.

Barry: Now Jeeves, there is no need to resort to name calling! If you won't tell me, then I guess I will check some online reviews of the band.
Jeeves: It's my life...Don't you forget!

Barry: Fair enough. Which national party do you support these days? Conservatives? Liberals?
Jeeves: Eject! Eject! Eject!

Barry: Please, calm down, sir. I assure you that you are sitting in an average office style chair. I guess that question was a bit personal.
Jeeves: February 8, 1995.

Barry: Really? What was the significance of that date?
Jeeves: The Enoch Edwards commemorative miners' association check.

Barry: Interesting segué. You do realize, Mr. Jeeves, that in this kind of interview, the interviewee usually talks a bit longer than you have been. Why Enoch Edwards?
Jeeves: (No response)

Barry: Sigh. Alright. What do you want to talk about?
Jeeves: Words are starting to get old but I still want to talk.

Barry: Indeed. Who do you favor in this season of the NFL? Perhaps you have a superbowl winner already picked?
Jeeves: Bucs 48, Raiders 21

Barry: Wow! Lets all hope you're right. We're just about out of time now, do you have any closing remarks? Perhaps advice for those other search engines out there?
**Jeeves: We're not just right, we're really right.

Barry: Excellent! Well, thank you for coming in, I hope we can see you again soon.
Jeeves: Our favorite part of the play.

Barry: ...Alright. Thanks again. Bye bye now.
Jeeves: Yes, I smoke! Yes, I am going to die!! Bye now!!!

*No results found
**First result!

Just like that, he was beamed back aboard the space ship he arrived on. Crazy nut. I wasn't finished there, however, as later that afternoon, I had an all exclusive interview with an even more infamous search engine, Google. However, for the entire questioning, he simply repeated everything I said, so it wasn't worth publishing. Tah tah!