Remember to remember me...

...Standing still, in your past... So the beggar that I walked by many entries ago, was there again a few days ago. I again walked by him without acknowledging his existence, and actually heard him start, "spare change..." and trail off once he saw me hurry into the glass doors. Same exact spot as the last time I ignored him, and the same spot that I gave him some money months ago.

However, knowing that I had well enough money in the account this time around, and also not having to spend any of it that day, I pulled some of the funds that I withdrew, and put said funds in my pocket, with the intent to give it to this man. Of course, once I was done all of this, I stood beside the machine, confusing people and making them think I was in line again, because my heart was racing and I knew I had to talk to the man, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to give him the money, because I knew that even though it seemed like I had lots, I probably couldn't afford it, and I could have spent it on myself or saved it. I also didn't want to give him anything, because I was sure that I would see him there the next day anyway, asking for more. But after standing there for a minute or two, I just cleared my mind, and walked out, and sat next to him on the sidewalk, without a clue as to what I was going to say to him.

Basically, I asked him how it was going and about his situation, to which he responded with continuous talk of names I had never heard before (I am not a local), and all of the certificates in mechanics that he has accumulated, and he even waved and said hi to quite a few people who cheerfully waved back as they walked, drove, or rode by. I also worked up enough courage to ask him about Church, and if he had thought about seeking one out for financial and especially spiritual aid. Much to my surprise he said he attended faithfully every Sunday, to a Church just down the street and around a corner. I have yet to see this Church for myself, but I plan to seek it out myself one of these Sundays to see how it goes.

All in all, I sat for about fifteen minutes with the man, whose name I forgot to ask, and therefore still do not know. I learned that he has just found an apartment (which amused me as his sign said "homeless" on it, obviously not updated yet), which his welfare cheques can not afford to pay rent for, and that he could very well be getting a job at a mechanics shop in town very soon. After I had squeezed enough words in, I told him that I believed what he was telling me, and that I wanted to help him. So I gave him the money, and wished him luck, and pressured him to keep fighting for whatever he could get.

I didn't bring up Jesus, or any of those truly important topics that I wish I had, but I don't have as much experience with strangers as I'd like. They told us to stay away from them when I was a kid. On a positive note, I'm almost certain I will see him again, and hopefully I will be brave enough to keep him accountable in his life and what he told me. Maybe instead of his source of income, I could be his friend eventually. Who knows?

...Floating fast, like a hummingbird.