Punch Drunk Love...

Punch Drunk Love is officially my favorite movie from now on, or at least until a better film takes its place. I have seen it four or five times now, and every time I watch it, something else makes me smile and feel great! Tonight it was on TV, and I noticed many different great moments. First of all, I guess, if you've never seen it, you ought to, and none of this will mean anything to you until you do. When he's in Hawaii at the pay phone, and finally gets a hold of Lena, the pay phone lights up as soon as she says, "hello?" (It really lights up because he has been on the phone so long that it is getting to be dark out and the streetlights, as well as pay phone lights I guess, are beginning to light up). I also loved the amount of anticipation and wonder that is portrayed in Emily Watson's (Lena's) eyes throughout the entire film, like she is so infatuated by this weirdo right from the start, that her eyes are just lit up and glimmering, not to mention always staring at Adam Sandler (Barry Egan). And of course, there is the part that I have loved ever since the first time I saw the movie, where Barry just...there is no word good enough to describe how badly (and quickly (and necessarily)) he beats up these four scam artist lackeys. Thinking of it right now makes me excited for some reason. It's just what every viewer is cheering for at that very moment, and the film delivers what the audience wants I guess. At least I wanted him to smash those jerks with the tire iron. Maybe you guys didn't...

Anyways, I actually could not stand Adam Sandler before Punch Drunk Love came out, with the exception of the following: Saturday night live (especially with Chris Farley), The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates (kind of), and of course Spanglish, which I don't love, but I love Adam Sandler in it. Now that he is getting older and playing serious roles in movies, I am sure he will give me a lot more to enjoy over the years.

Vengeance is the Lord's, but sometimes I just want it so badly. If I was Barry Egan and a bunch of guys just sent my car flying on purpose and hurt someone I cared about, I would most likely try my best to render them unconscious. Then there are the people in my life who have been hurt in the past either physically or emotionally. I don't like to believe it, but there are some people out there who I have never met in any way, except by what they have done to people I know, that I think if I ever met, I would be struggling to keep my fists from flying and my tongue from slipping up all over the place. I think it must be some kind of guy gene or something. We all want to get revenge on someone for something. Physically. I personally have never gotten the chance. I've never been in a fight that you could call, "a fight," and I've never been beaten up or anything like that, so I don't even know how well I could do in the vengeance department if I tried.

In the end, I try to think about what's really important, though. Like, right now, there are three people in my mind, who if I had them all standing in front of me, full of themselves and feeling guilt free about their lives up to this point, I know I would want to take a crow bar to their faces, or knee caps, or private parts, but I honestly believe that I wouldn't. I would look at them (this is all theoretical and individually) right in the eyes, and just think, "What is cracking his skull open going to accomplish? He deserves it, but not from me." I would like to think that I could sit down with them, and tell them exactly how much of my life they have influenced negatively, even though not directly, and how much I hated them for it. But then, if they honestly knew what they had done, and were aware of the huge wrongs they had done me, I would want to (This is all "if God would give me the strength to...") tell them that I forgive them for it all, and that the past is past, and my future is secure, while their's is not. Then, if God was really with me like I know he can be, I would love to continue to persuade them into searching for God in their lives, cause that's what they really need, and have needed all along. Of course I will almost 100 percent surely never see any of them again, or, if I hadn't before, I will never see them at all. So it's all up to them and the people who are in their lives right now, to show God's love to them. All I can do is pray. Which is actually quite the powerful thing to do.

It's almost enough to wonder if maybe God brings pain and suffering into a Christ follower's life, through other people, just for the purpose of having the Christian's affected, pray for the unsaved person's salvation. Maybe my human life is worse thanks to these people, so that I can live my worsened life, praying for those same people, so that they may find Christ as well. When I think about it that way, vengeance is the most ridiculous idea yet. I don't deserve salvation any more than these people, so instead of wanting to hurt them, I should do everything I can to help them figure out what's important. If by making my life on earth unpleasant and full of painful memories, I can help someone find Jesus and be saved, then I want the most unpleasant and painful life possible.

It's funny how if I type my thoughts out, they follow a better train of thought then when I just let them wander in my mind. As a human in this world, affected by sin's ever-present shadow over me, I hate certain people, hate being a very strong word, and it's horrible for me to have to say it, but in my weakness, I hate them for what they have done. But as someone whose faith is in God and His never changing Grace, I also love these same people for who they are to God. They are still just His children who haven't figured it out yet, and are still running around looking for God in hollow, empty, and of course worldly places. God knows what's in their hearts, and what needs to change in their lives. All I know is the very little that I have experienced because of them, but at the same time I know that God knows exactly what to do in their lives. So I'll go to bed tonight, and pray for each one specifically, for God to reveal Himself to them in whatever way He needs to, for them to "repent and be saved!"